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Public restroom nightmare

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Re: Public restroom nightmare

Postby BK in TEXAS » Fri Nov 04, 2011 10:29 am

So you golf?
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Re: Public restroom nightmare

Postby Feral Donkey » Fri Nov 04, 2011 12:10 pm

My story isn't as good. Once upon a time, My friend, Rabbi and I were out drinking beer in the hot sun all day and cooking chickens like I did at WTT3. We ate a bunch of food, drank more beer, then headed over to my friend, Kieth's house to socialize and drink some of his beer. As we pulled in the driveway my guts started to make noises like a Cappuccino machine. We were all standing in Kieth's driveway, talking shit and carrying on when it hit me. There was no more waiting. I cut off Kieth in the middle of a sentence and said "Hey, I need to use your bathroom." "You're not going to shit, are you?!" "Nah." I barely made it in there. Remember that scene in Dumb and Dumber? It was like that. After a good half hour of dry-heaving out of my doughnut, I cleaned myself up and walked back out like everything was normal, leaving a death-cloud of shit stink in my wake. I got back out on the driveway and everyone was looking at me. Kieth's wife, Shelly sternly asked me "DID YOU SPRAY?!!!" I thought that was kind of an odd question. My first reaction was she was on to me. "Ummm... uuugghhh... Well Shelly, it did come out kinda liquidy...you know..aaaahhh" Kieth and Rabbi just about died laughing and Shelly got this sour-puss look on her face and said "No! GLADE!!! DID YOU USE THE GLADE!!!" "Oh that. Uuummm. No." I said. Then we got in the car and left quick. :lol:
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Re: Public restroom nightmare

Postby PAarcher » Fri Nov 04, 2011 2:20 pm

That was one horrific picture you just painted. I think I need therapy.

You aren't a cop until you have gone lights and sirens, breaking all traffic laws and endangering public safety to make it to a bathroom!
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Re: Public restroom nightmare

Postby superkodiak38 » Fri Nov 04, 2011 6:41 pm

I remember training a rookie when we took a call for a B&E, when we walked in I could smell it. The FUNUGY asked if was septic and I said no, just look around and see what you can find. He walked around the corner and stepped in a pile left behind by the burglar. It's not completely uncommon for them to get so nervous and cranked up that they stop the job and shit then keep moving...lol..I'll never forget the look on his face when he stepped in it and I had to explain it wasn't from a guard dog ! :lol:
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Re: Public restroom nightmare

Postby topcamp » Fri Nov 04, 2011 7:36 pm

my first fighter jet flight.......shooting ads for the air guard...........we went to great falls, montana since they where flying 106 delta wings at the time...........going to shoot the campaign over glacier national park. camera chase jet was the lockheed t33 trainer..............now the front seat guy knew i had my civilian ticket and since he was an instructor pilot...........he said she was all mine once we finished the shoot. now at that point.......i had had a few hours of aerobatic training and i knew i was prone to motion sicknes big time after some time tumbling a plane............do i get motion sick like most people and throw up..........nauuuuuuggggggghhhhhhh........i turn to instant water and it doesn't come up........it goes down and out. of course that thought never crossed my mind as i was junked out on the thought of getting my shots and them my hands on that stick with a jet engine under my ass.............well.........the 106's had trouble holding the formations we wanted and we ended up pulling a good g load in the t33 for most of the photo work...........i couldn't keep my o mask on and use the camera so i had pulled it to the side and was shooting sideways out the canopy ............looking through the lense...........pulling tighter an tighter g loads before we broke off each maneuver........one of those being over the top upside down so that i could shoot down on the 106's over glacier............and then the photo mission was over ..........my front seat driver threw both of his hands up and said the bird was all mine as we had plenty of fuel left............

yohooooooooo buckaroooooos.............now i was wound and in my element............never had i held a stick where you could think roll and the damn plane rolled................such smooth power when you wanted it.........i chased every high cumulus i could find..........and then it hit me...........that cold clammy sweat just drenching my body because all of a sudden i was holding nothing but water from my belly button down............clenching every butt muscle i even thought i had.................breathing hard in the mask and just wanting the something to go bad fricking wrong so that we had to punch out and then at least i would have had an excuse for what was gonna happen................i was motion sick big time the way only i can get motion sick and the pain of holding it in was getting so wracking that the dream of my own jet fighter with fuel didn't mean a damn thing anymore to me.

ugghhhh.......ok you have her..........and...........really........i need to get on the ground like now..............wind her up if you can.................and he did because i really don't think he wanted his plane smelling like the pit hole at a loves truck stop. and it's the greatest human act of will power ever accomplished by any of our species since we started walking up right....................i mean no man as ever squeezed his butt any tighter than i did that after noon............and we got a straight in approach to the base and he did a hot landing with a quick clearance to the ramp........wtf he was saying to the tower and ground i have no clue because i had long since started unplugging any connection to anything.............i disarmed my seat long before he braked her down and i was unbuckled and climbing out as the grinning ground crewman put the ladder up for me to get to the ground with.........all he did was point to the hanger and i heard him say to turn right when i went through the big doors.......and there where others pointing the way.............and i made it...................and there part of me died for ever for i destroyed parts of my muscle structure from holding in that i know never to get in that situation ever again............and then i remembered what that same groundcrew man had told me when he was buckling me in before we took off............" you mess it up............you clean it up......."

i did more air to air shoots with the new mexico air guard later on.................actually have 5.5 hrs signed off by an instructor pilot in an f 100 super sabre in my log book.........but omg was i on drugs..............lots of lomotil and scopolamine .........so much so that when ever we got back from an air shoot i was done for the day........but it did control the motion sickness long enough for me finish the shoot and get stick time..............but the art director never let me forget great falls and that run to the hanger.............

and many a day and night i have spent in my mako when i had one............catching fish with my butt over the side because i was soooooooo sea sick ............but heeeyyyyyyy.......thats just organic chumming and i was to damn hard headed to stop and go in..............actually it would take only about 3 minutes with my head down re-working a lure or leader in a the pitching boat before i would have the instant trotts.............yeah......things i have put my fishing buddies and kids through...............in the tanger sound.
the more we know about the " how " and the " why " of..........the less we see and notice about the " now " of the " when "...
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on that day.......you wake up and never more what was .......will ever be again.
_tc on growing old
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Re: Public restroom nightmare

Postby Ted K » Fri Nov 04, 2011 10:22 pm

I've got lots of shit stories - nothing better than a good shit story.

Since I was a little kid, I've been known to take some big shits. Picture your forearm coming out. Doesn't seem to happen as much anymore, but in my prime I never met a toilet I couldn't clog. When I was a kid, I was fortunate to live in a house with 5 bathrooms. My parents weren't around much - both worked a lot. They pretty much only chit in two of the five. This left me with the other three. Worked out well because I hated plunging. I could chit in one and seal it off (I.e. Close the door) and then my next shit would rotate tomthe next bathroom, then the next, and by the time i was ready to recycle back to the first it would have disintegrated enough that it would usually go down on first flush. This system usually worked pretty good unless we had company. My parents tried everything to correct the situation including buying me clown scissors for chopping one year for Christmas.

To be honest though, I never saw it as a problem. I had my system down and wasn't motivated to change. The first time I realized this was a problem was when i was about 16 and I brought a lady friend home. I had a pretty sweet set up for a high schooler. Finished basement, double doors directly to the outside, pool table, bathroom, sofa bed, stereo, lots of guns and deer in the back. I never locked the door and many of my buddies regularly took advantage. We called it the 'stabin cabin'. Although to be honest there was way more jerkin that went on in that cabin than stabbing. Well, one night I had a legitimate shot at using the cabin fir the preferred purpose with this fair lass (and by fair lass, I mean low self esteem fat whore). No parents, six pack of the champagne of beers, it was all set.

I neglected to remember however that I used the stabbin' cabin's bathroom as part of the rotation the day before. So, how did this cock block me? Several possibilities right? Could be the general smell or maybe after a couple high lifes she goes in to pee and sees my putrid mess. Well, that would seem logical, but that's not how it went down.

Things were going well. I took her to Denny's, gave her a beer on the way to my house, and told her that it was rare to talk to a pretty girl as interesting as her. This was one of the few times where I had pretty solid game. We hit the cabin and we start making out. I go for a cool maneuver and figure getting down on the pool table is the way to go. What is sexier than that to a seventeen year old girl? This was a fatal miscalculation.

I try to sort of grab her by the ass and throw her up on while still kissing her. I should have calculated that it was a pretty awkward move, the leverage wasn't there, and I was in no way cool enough to try advance maneuvers like this. Consequently, she sort of bounced off the corner pocket and fell on the floor on the side of the table. Ok, bad move, but I can play that off; but just then, I hear a bloodcurdling scream, followed by dry heaves and wretching. WTF!

As it turns out, I did not seal the bathroom (I.e., close the door). My golden retriever got wind of this and investigated. At some point during the two hours between when I finished setting the stabbin cabin up for the night and when I returned. Jesse, my dog, went into the bathroom, pulled out an enormous log and deposited it next to the pool table. I have no idea why, but I do know that when fat whores land in human feces, the person who made said feces ain't getting laid. The three sure things in life: death, taxes, and if you throw a bitch in a pile of your own shit you ain't getting laid.

.... But I digress, I started this post to tell you about some of my favorite toilet clogging episodes. By far my two best cloggings occurred in key west Florida and Waterford Ireland. I will tell these stories, but I am tired now. I will work on them from my tree stand in the morning. Sorry for rambling.
Ted K

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Re: Public restroom nightmare

Postby superkodiak38 » Sat Nov 05, 2011 9:49 am

I can't top that...not going to try !

I can tell you a Tidy Cat bucket can be mighty handy when you out fishing on the bay... just ask CST or PAARCHER ;)
When you take your kid hunting and he says thank you and tells you how much he loves being in the woods with you, your day just isn't going to get any better than that.
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Re: Public restroom nightmare

Postby Matt_Potter » Sat Nov 05, 2011 11:47 am

Quite Possibly this finest thread ever on a archery site - you guys out did your selves on this one.

My contribution:

I grew up on a large dairy - the farm was on a slurry system so all the cow shit flowed down a 4 foot in diameter pipe to lake shittola at the base of the hill below the barn. Lake shittola was 25 feet deep but would form a very hard crust on it we had it fenced but it wasn't uncommon for deer to get out on the crust and fall through and drown. It also had a large berm around the top side to divert the rain water.

We had a young guy named Curt that worked for us and he had a CJ9 that was his pride and joy - he had that sucker totally tricked out custom interior snorkel system - the works. He would start the jeep 20 or 30 minutes before it was time to go so it was totally warm when he went home. I was milking cows when he came tearing into the milk room and started giving me holy hell for fucking with his jeep. "come on asshole I have to go home" - "what did you do with my truck".

I professed my innocence and walked out side to the front of the barn. You could see the tracks where the jeep had rolled down the hill through the snow jumped the berm and landed 15 yards out in lake shitolla. All you could see was the snorkel sticking up with the exhaust streaming out - the jeep was running like a champ under 8 feet of cow shit - as we watched it the snorkel slowly sank from view - exhaust bubbles came up for a bit and then all was quiet on lake shitolla.

Curt sat down an cried - he had to hire a scuba guy to go out and attach the tow strap to the jeep.

Matt
Last edited by Matt_Potter on Mon Nov 07, 2011 7:21 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Public restroom nightmare

Postby Bender » Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:30 pm

Oh Gawd! Now I DID laugh out loud over that one!
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Re: Public restroom nightmare

Postby Stykshooter » Sun Nov 06, 2011 9:10 pm

lake shittola
:lol:
You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably angry.
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