Chuck Norris

[rgibula]

The Boogie Man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris before he goes to sleep every night.

Chuck Norris doesn't eat honey. He chews bees....

Chuck Norris doesn't lick postage stamps, he stares at them until they wet themselves. 

The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris breaks wind, it stays broken!

Did you know that there used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but they changed it because nobody crossed Chuck Norris and lived.

Chuck Norris was dropped as a baby......
...on Hiroshima.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He just scares the shit out of it.

Chuck Norris once tried to get in touch with his feminine side and promptly got her pregnant.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris is always on top during sex... because he never fucks up.

[Hornseeker]

Always good!! But this one is one of my favorites of all time!

Chuck Norris was dropped as a baby......
...on Hiroshima.

Also, see my signature...I think that ones funny too!

[4nolz]

stealing this..

[Dan]

Chuck Norris is Suing NBC because "Law & Order" are actually trademark names of his left and right legs.

[rgibula]

Chuck Norris counted to infinity---twice.

[rgibula]

Chuck Norris doesn’t lift weights, he just tells them to get off the floor.
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language
Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
Chuck Norris has a stunt double. For crying scenes.
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead, just afraid to move.
Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards
Firefighters save the fire from Chuck Norris.
Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
Corners get backed into Chuck Norris.
Some magicians can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
Light just wishes it was a fast as one of Chuck's fists.
Chuck Norris is the only man who can put M&M's in alphabetical order.
Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen. seconds.
Chuck Norris uses paper to cut scissors.
Chuck Norris can break water in half.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris flew his first paper airplane when he was 4 years old. It landed yesterday.
Chuck Norris can capitalize numbers.
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
After a shower, Chuck Norris dosen't need a towel, he just tells the water to get the hell off!
Chuck Norris once kicked the Earth, it hasn't stopped spinning.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris doesn't need Twitter, he's already following you.
Chuck Norris has an Xbox Live account. On Playstation
Chuck Norris can drink from an empty cup.
Chuck Norris is so intimidating even his reflection won't look back at him.
Uri Geller bends spoons with his mind, Chuck Norris bends minds with a spoon
Chuck Norris doesn't turn on the shower he looks at it until it cries.
Chuck Norris can drown fish.
Chuck Norris burnt a fire proof vest, UNDERWATER!
If you see Chuck Norris coming at you from the T.V., it's not 3-D effects.
Everyone knows Chuck Norris' pet rock... he named it "Earth."
Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake. After three days of pain the rattle snake died
The sheep on Chuck Norris' farm are the ones that give us steel wool.

[Hammerhead]

Chuck Norris can kick you in the back of the face!

[Hammerhead]

God said "Let there be light."
Chuck Norris said "Say please..."

[JackDaw]

Chuck Norris had sex with your mom, and your dad gave him a high-five.

[Hornseeker]

The sheep on Chuck Norris' farm are the ones that give us steel wool.

One of my favorites!!!